Assertiveness - my personal experience

Over the last couple of years I had developed a poor relationship with one of my colleagues at work. He is razor tongued and quick witted while the same cannot be said of me. I describe myself as sensitive warm and caring. However, I have a short temper which flares at the slightest hint of unfairness – call me an idealist! A few years ago I had taken my anger out on this colleague who was partly to blame for a situation in an international airport. Ever since our working relationship has been appalling. He has missed no opportunity to pick on me with snide remarks and comments bordering dangerously on the racial. I took it all in my stride and laughed it off like water off a duck’s back.

But of late I realized that I was being passive. If I were assertive I would not have allowed this to continue: it was really putting me off and had caused me to rethink about the way I came across and the work that I was doing. Last month I took the bull by its horns and requested that I speak to him in private. Boy was I proven right by my decision. The 10 minute chat turned into a 90minute long conversation wherein I put across my views as to why I didn’t like what he was doing. I sought to understand what was the reason behind his behavior. It’s a golden principle of communication: First seek to understand than to be understood. I am glad that I took this approach. It transpired that he was taking out his frustration of being overloaded at work and I was a soft target for his ire. He offered to cut back on the vitriolic nature of his comments but added that I could not expect him to reduce it to nil. After all, he seems to treat everyone the same – leg pulling, taking the mickey, etc.

Anyway with that off my chest, I feel much better now. I asserted my feelings and my rights to better treatment. I would urge everyone to be more assertive and face your fears. It took me a while to muster courage to call for the meeting but I did it. It has been a positive experience for me and has boosted my confidence quite high. I am confident of handling similar situations involving tough negotiations and situations positively.