It's been a while....

It's been 4 years since I posted on this blog. But I have been thinking about it for some time now. So call it procrastination or simple writer's block the end result is that I have nothing to show for the past 4 years on this blog. Maybe I got too busy with my new role starting in the summer of 2009 but I haven't stopped thinking about it. My reasons for writing are to keep my skills sharpened and also provide an outlet for my thoughts, learnings, insights gained from people etc.

I finally decided to pen something down when my wife shared a very interesting blog from Harvard Business Review called "Manage your energy not your time" (http://hbr.org/2007/10/manage-your-energy-not-your-time). I found it incredibly useful as I have always wondered about how to manage my stress levels when the work day gets incredibly busy. I am sure it happens to all of us when we have long days at work and we come back home completely shattered with no energy to connect with our loved ones.

The insights provided in the article refer to taking timeouts every 2 hours when working. Some people find taking 20 minute walks in the morning and afternoons during the work day as an opportunity to clear their heads and allowing them to come back to their desks relaxed and refreshed. In some cases people smoke cigarettes under stressful situations but found a way to cut down by using deep breathing techniques. I am an early morning person and find that by 3:00pm in the afternoon my energy levels are dropping and I feel sleepy. I usually rely on a cup of coffee to reinvigorate me but an hour later I am really hungry.

I have found that by introducing a mid-morning and mid-afternoon snack in my routine coupled with taking breaks from my desk I am now able to sustain my energy levels throughout the day and also engage positively with people and with tasks. I am not starving when I get home and that means I eat properly rather than like a glutton. I am able to interact with my kids and wife positively and have a proper discussion around the dinner table about our respective days.

But all this wouldn't be possible if I didn't have a good night's rest which for me is between 7-8 hours. To quote Tim Sanders, "Don't load up on info-carbs like your email Inbox, social media and TV news.  Instead, spend a 1/2 hour or so reading out of a book that expands your mind, makes you better at your job or gives you a glimpse into the future."

Out with the Old, In with the New - Lessons from a morning in the vegetable patch

The last week had brilliant sunshine and I was looking forward to the weekend. My 4 year old had sweet talked me into putting up a vegetable patch in our garden. The grand plan was to plant spinach and tomato. Not endowed with "green fingers" I was especially fearful of the activity. But with my wife and daughter joining in the task made it simple and enjoyable: a real example of "we" working together.

As I was digging up the square patch with all its roots, pebbles and sticky soil, a flash of clarity struck me. In our lives, when we set out to make changes whether in ourselves or the way we live, we face the daunting task of changing old habits, mindsets, thoughts and the ingrained ways that we work. These are like the roots in the vegetable patch that are difficult to rid of. I had to work extra hard to dig them up and throw them out. Preparing the patch with compost and filtered old soil and planting new seeds was analogous to introducing new thoughts, ideas and actions in our daily lives to improve ourselves. The job is not done with simply planting the seeds.

I will need to water the patch, add liquid feed and keep the neighbour's cat at bay to ensure the seeds have a good chance of sprouting into saplings and finally plants that will bear fruit. In the same way, we need to continually reinforce the new ideas and habits that we incorporate to ensure that the changes are long lasting rather than one-off attempts. We will need the help and support of family members and loved ones as well in the process. This is similar to the 21-day repetition that Robin Sharma mentions in "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" before a habit is formed. I look forward to the next 7-14 days for the saplings to sprout in my garden!

Goal setting and how to balance it with your life?

Every personal goal you set can be evaluated in terms of the following 4 parameters:

1. Money = how much money you think will be sufficient to lead your life comfortably?

2. Ego Food = self esteem achieved through the work you do and the success you achieve

3. Love = family, wife, kids. Don't ignore this important aspect of your life. This is what is meant by attaining a work life balance.

4. Health = whatever you set out to achieve should not take a toll on your health. Take steps to keep yourself in good shape and good health.

In order to achieve your goals, you also need to consider the following:

1. Desire - do you have the desire to achieve the goal?

2. Ability - do you the ability i.e. skills, qualification, strength, etc?

3. Human Relations - do you have the emotional capacity to handle the emotions of family, friends, colleagues as you move along the path to achieve these goals?

Three Fundamental Questions of Life

Some teachings of the Buddha which I find very useful and hope you may too.

Q1. What is the MOST IMPORTANT time?
A1. NOW - there is no time better than NOW. If you have to do it, do it now. Don't procrastinate.

Q2. WHO is the MOST IMPORTANT person in your life?
A2. The person you are with right now. Live in the now. There is no point in being physically present with someone but be mentally someplace else.

Q3. WHAT is the MOST IMPORTANT thing that you can do?
A3. CARE. If you can care for someone, show love, respect and concern, then you will truly make a difference.

So if you care for the person you are with right now, that is the most important thing that you can do. We can all live for the future but if that means ignoring the present, then we are really poorer for the experience.

Cheers!

The 11 Rules to Change the World - by Robin Sharma

1. You be the change you dream of seeing (Thanks Mahatma Gandhi). "If everyone of us would sweep their own doorstep, the whole world would be clean," observed Mother Teresa. She was right.

2. Make time every day to reconnect to your highest ideals and boldest dreams. Without hope, people perish.

3. Leave every person you meet better than you found them. Life's too short to withhold encouragement and kindness.

4. As I wrote in 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari", see every setback as a stepping stone and every problem as a blessing in disguise. Contrary to what critics might say, these are NOT corny aphorisms. They are timeless truths of humanity. (And critics are just people too scared to grow their dreams anyway - pay no attention to them. The world needs more people lifting people up rather than putting people down).

5. Go the extra mile in everything you do - you don't need a title to be a leader. And on your deathbed, you'll never regret expressing the best within you

6. Do what's right rather than what's easy. Being a great person isn't a popularity contest. Many of the greatest leaders were disliked because they refused to bend to the winds of public opinion. That's called Strength of Character

7. Care for your health. You elevate the world by elevating yourself and your health really matters. Why be the richest person in the graveyard?

8. Tell your kids they are geniuses - and how much you adore them. Each of us are born geniuses but lose that gift within the first 6 years of our lives as we adopt the fears and limiting beliefs of those around us. Your kids are the leaders of the future. Grow their potential. Now.

9. Learn something new every day. As you grow, you begin to see possibilities you didn't have the eyes to see before. Read from an inspiring book, listen to an audio program, visit a good blog, go to a powerful workshop or have a conversation with an elder. One idea is all it takes to transform your life.

10. Keep your life simple. Please. The secret to success and happiness is building your life around a few important things. The person who tries to do everything accomplishes nothing. As I recently mentioned on my blog, "What's the point in being busy doing the wrong things?"

11. Remember that life is a mirror and we receive what we give out. To get more joy, give more joy. To have more respect, give more respect. To realize your dreams, help others realize theirs.

Munich Experience 29th-30th Oct 2008

Writing this from inside a metal cylinder flying at 30000ft from Munich to Manchester. Short but memorable trip. Market surveys in stores of Munich from hypermarkets to department stores from the suburbs to the high street.

In the midst of this came across 2 very different individuals who are earn a living working with people: a taxi driver and a tourist guide. I met the taxi driver outside a Real hypermarket on the North East suburb of Munich. Wearing a leather Fedora and sporting an engaging smile he spoke excellent English and made me feel welcome as I waited in his new Mercedes while he finished his coffee and a chat with a fellow taxi driver. I was quite impressed by his customer service as he switched on the radio. Spotting a Mate tea set in his car, I was quite curious to know how did an Argentinian drink end up in his car. He did offer to make me a cup but I politely declined. Engaging in a friendly conversation, the man suddenly started hustling me: offered me fake receipts to claim from my company in return for taking a ride to the airport. I had to turn his tempting offer down but now I wasn’t as enamoured about him as my initial impression was. He tried to be friendly but was very cagey when I was trying to elicit some response from him about his past and his thoughts on the economy. Made me wonder….

The 2nd experience was this high energy young Canadian from western Montreal (English speaking suburb) who provided free walking tours of Munich as part of the New Munich tours. Malcolm Gladwell author of The tipping Point would call Ricky, the tour guide, a Connector. Someone who loves being with people and meeting them. Robin Sharma would call him a leader without title. Enjoying what he does and making a difference to people. People visiting Munich would take back happy memories of their visit because of their encounter with Ricky. Its people like Ricky who inspire us to excel at what we do and be passionate about our work and life – making a difference.
Ricky moved from Canada to Munich 2 years ago to play ice hockey. He speaks excellent German and really loves the city. He loves talking and radiates energy as he spoke passionately about Munich and the Nazi era with its effects on Munich. Munich was the centre of the Nazi movement, a past that residents of Munich try to come to terms with. As Ricky pointed out, the 21st century Germany is finally showing its patriotism after 75 years of trying to deal with its dubious past. Germans are now proud to wave their national flags and proud of their country and heritage.

Ricky is an excellent raconteur mixing up his stories with humor and factual inaccuracies but it really enlivened the experience. I am going to relate some of the things he told us about Munich. Unfortunately I could join only the first half of the tour since I had to catch a flight. But the 90minutes were really good. I will try to cover here what I learnt about Munich in the 90mins. Ricky claimed to have prepared the tour script for the Dachau concentration camp and one could feel his passion about the holocaust events come through. I liked what he said. Summary of what he wanted to convey was that its important to visit Dachau or talk about the Nazi movement rather than sweep it under the carpet. By talking about it, he hopes that people will learn from it, remember it and help avoid history repeating itself. Genocides in Congo and African countries are quite similar to the Nazi era activities.

Another important lesson from history was the hyperinflation that affected Germany immediately after the 1st World War, US $1 was equal to 4.3 Trillion marks. Apparently there is a story of a American who came to Germany back in the late 1910s with $15 in his pocket which amounted to an astronomical sum in German marks. He ended up buying a hotel. As the inflation came down, the guy was a millionaire. In the days after the Great War, Germany was badly affected and demilitarised: a stunning humiliation of the most powerful European nation at that time.

The money was worthless and things like bread and eggs cost some ridiculous sums as $80million marks. A woman went to buy a loaf of bread carrying 2 bucket loads of cash. She put the buckets down to identify the loaf she wanted to buy. When she turned to pick them up, she found the cash on the pavement and the buckets missing! Buckets were worth more than the cash. The government printed 1 side of currency notes because the printing ink was more expensive. Zimbabwe is undergoing a similar hyperinflationary experience. If the world is not careful, countries of the world may find difficulty coming out of the recessionary environment we face. History has plenty of lessons for all of us.

In the wake of his economic struggle and political humiliation, the Nazi party started gaining in popularity in the 1920s with Hitler rising to power in 1933. In 1938 the Final Solution was formulated. Before Hitler came to power, he was almost killed by the police in a shoot out when he and his supporters indulged in violent protests in Munich. His bodyguard took 11 bullets protecting him. Imagine how history would have taken a different course if Hitler had died much before his time. The building where the Final Solution was identified is now a Teddy bear museum. WOW!

Munich is part of Bavaria, a rich country. Bavaria, Prussia and Saxony merged together to form Germany. They were united together in their war against France. The German country was born on the outskirts of Paris in 1870.2 contrasting experiences with people in customer service – WOW! I am a student of life and everyday I learn a lesson. Today’s experiences teach me the importance of being passionate about what I do and helping others enjoy what they do – make a difference starting now!

Let it really sink in - then choose

This is a story I received in an email. Its very motivating....

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, 'If I were any better, I would be twins!'

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, 'I don't get it!

You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?'

He replied, 'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... You can choose to be in a bad mood
I choose to be in a good mood.'

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

'Yeah, right, it's not that easy,' I protested.

'Yes, it is,' he said. 'Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life.'

I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about l ife instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw him about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, 'If I were any better, I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?' I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

'The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,' he replied. 'Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live.'
'Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?' I asked

He continued, '..the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action.'

'What did you do?' I asked.

'Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,' said John. 'She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'GRAVITY'!'

Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.' He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything .

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

"Criticism" by Zig Ziglar

Aristotle said criticism was meant as a standard of judging will. Addison said it was ridiculous for any man to criticize the works of another if he has not distinguished himself by his own performance. It has also been said that no one so thoroughly appreciates the value of constructive criticism as the one who is giving it. The world is hard on critics, but on occasion they have real value. Ask yourself this question: "What interest does this person (critic) have in me?" A parent, teacher, employer or coach has a vested interest in your performance. Unfortunately, many of them do not know how to effectively build a person up while giving suggestions that can make a difference.

The key is to criticize the performance and not the performer. My mother once criticized my performance by saying, "For most boys this would be all right. But you're not most boys--you're my son and my son can do better than that." She had "criticized the performance," because it needed improvement, but she had praised the performer because he needed the praise.

My Truth or Your Truth?

We all know the importance of good and effective communication. Something happened yesterday evening that brought out this aspect beautifully.

I was playing with my daughter in my garden. After a round of playing tag, Frisbee and football, it was time to cool off. The daughter being extremely fond of flowers started plucking a few. In the process, she had plucked out a few buds in addition to blossomed ones. I asked her to leave the buds alone since they would blossom into flowers. She was alright picking up the flowers instead.

From where I was standing I could see some flowers ready to be plucked. Whereas her location made it difficult for her to see the flowers I was seeing. She was finding it difficult to locate a few flowers to pluck – she could only see buds. She did spot a few flowers eventually but still not the ones that I saw and believed to be more accessible. It is at that moment my wife said “Your truth is different to her truth”. There it dawned upon me. I was working myself up on such a small thing but it had such a wider implication. If only we could develop our capacity to see things from others point of view, we would be so much more understanding. It would help us have stronger and positive relationships with friends, family and co-workers.

Lessons:

You may be seeing the same thing from a different viewpoint. Successful communicators seek to understand differing view points after all your truth is different from their truth.

Greater understanding will help you empathize with the other party and enable you to gain his trust and confidence. First step to have a successful relationship be it work or personal.

Keeping the Spark Alive - By Chetan Bhagat

Inaugural Speech for the new batch at the Symbiosis BBA program, Pune - 23rd June, 2008

Good Morning everyone and thank you for giving me this chance to speak to you. This day is about you. You, who have come to this college, leaving the comfort of your homes (or in some cases discomfort), to become something in your life. I am sure you are excited. There are few days in human life when one is truly elated. The first day in college is one of them. When you were getting ready today, you felt a tingling in your stomach. What would the auditorium be like, what would the teachers be like, who are my new classmates - there is so much to be curious about. I call this excitement, the spark within you that makes you feel truly alive today. Today I am going to talk about keeping the spark shining. Or to put it another way, how to be happy most, if not all the time.

Where do these sparks start? I think we are born with them. My 3-year old twin boys have a million sparks. A little Spiderman toy can make them jump on the bed. They get thrills from creaky swings in the park. A story from daddy gets them excited. They do a daily countdown for birthday party – several months in advance – just for the day they will cut their own birthday cake.

I see students like you, and I still see some sparks. But when I see older people, the spark is difficult to find. That means as we age, the spark fades. People whose spark has faded too much are dull, dejected, aimless and bitter. Remember Kareena in the first half of Jab We Met vs the second half? That is what happens when the spark is lost. So how to save the spark?

Imagine the spark to be a lamp's flame. The first aspect is nurturing - to give your spark the fuel, continuously. The second is to guard against storms.

To nurture, always have goals. It is human nature to strive, improve and achieve full potential. In fact, that is success. It is what is possible for you. It isn't any external measure - a certain cost to company pay package, a particular car or house.

Most of us are from middle class families. To us, having material landmarks is success and rightly so. When you have grown up where money constraints force everyday choices, financial freedom is a big achievement. But it isn't the purpose of life. If that was the case, Mr. Ambani would not show up for work. Shah Rukh Khan would stay at home and not dance anymore. Steve Jobs won't be working hard to make a better iPhone, as he sold Pixar for billions of dollars already. Why do they do it? What makes them come to work everyday? They do it because it makes them happy. They do it because it makes them feel alive. Just getting better from current levels feels good. If you study hard, you can improve your rank. If you make an effort to interact with people, you will do better in interviews. If you practice, your cricket will get better. You may also know that you cannot become Tendulkar, yet. But you can get to the next level. Striving for that next level is important.

Nature designed with a random set of genes and circumstances in which we were born. To be happy, we have to accept it and make the most of nature's design. Are you? Goals will help you do that. I must add, don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.

There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

You must have read some quotes - Life is a tough race, it is a marathon or whatever. No, from what I have seen so far, life is one of those races in nursery school, where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One last thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. One of my yoga teachers used to make students laugh during classes. One student asked him if these jokes would take away something from the yoga practice. The teacher said - don't be serious, be sincere. This quote has defined my work ever since. Whether its my writing, my job, my relationships or any of my goals. I get thousands of opinions on my writing everyday. There is heaps of praise, there is intense criticism. If I take it all seriously, how will I write? Or rather, how will I live? Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It's ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are people, not programmed devices.

I've told you three things - reasonable goals, balance and not taking it too seriously that will nurture the spark. However, there are four storms in life that will threaten to completely put out the flame. These must be guarded against. These are disappointment, frustration, unfairness and loneliness of purpose.

Disappointment will come when your effort does not give you the expected return. If things don't go as planned or if you face failure. Failure is extremely difficult to handle, but those that do come out stronger. What did this failure teach me? is the question you will need to ask. You will feel miserable. You will want to quit, like I wanted to when nine publishers rejected my first book. Some IITians kill themselves over low grades – how silly is that? But that is how much failure can hurt you. But it's life. If challenges could always be overcome, they would cease to be a challenge. And remember - if you are failing at something, that means you are at your limit or potential. And that's where you want to be.

Disappointment's cousin is frustration, the second storm. Have you ever been frustrated? It happens when things are stuck. This is especially relevant in India. From traffic jams to getting that job you deserve, sometimes things take so long that you don't know if you chose the right goal. After books, I set the goal of writing for Bollywood, as I thought they needed writers. I am called extremely lucky, but it took me five years to get close to a release. Frustration saps excitement, and turns your initial energy into something negative, making you a bitter person. How did I deal with it? A realistic assessment of the time involved – movies take a long time to make even though they are watched quickly, seeking a certain enjoyment in the process rather than the end result – at least I was learning how to write scripts, having a side plan – I had my third book to write and even something as simple as pleasurable distractions in your life - friends, food, travel can help you overcome it. Remember, nothing is to be taken seriously. Frustration is a sign somewhere, you took it too seriously.

Unfairness - this is hardest to deal with, but unfortunately that is how our country works. People with connections, rich dads, beautiful faces, pedigree find it easier to make it – not just in Bollywood, but everywhere. And sometimes it is just plain luck. There are so few opportunities in India, so many stars need to be aligned for you to make it happen. Merit and hard work is not always linked to achievement in the short term, but the long term correlation is high, and ultimately things do work out. But realize, there will be some people luckier than you. In fact, to have an opportunity to go to college and understand this speech in English means you are pretty damm lucky by Indian standards. Let's be grateful for what we have and get the strength to accept what we don't. I have so much love from my readers that other writers cannot even imagine it. However, I don't get literary praise. It's ok. I don't look like Aishwarya Rai, but I have two boys who I think are more beautiful than her. It's ok. Don't let unfairness kill your spark.

Finally, the last point that can kill your spark is isolation. As you grow older you will realize you are unique. When you are little, all kids want Ice cream and Spiderman. As you grow older to college, you still are a lot like your friends. But ten years later and you realize you are unique. What you want, what you believe in, what makes you feel, may be different from even the people closest to you. This can create conflict as your goals may not match with others. . And you may drop some of them. Basketball captains in college invariably stop playing basketball by the time they have their second child. They give up something that meant so much to them. They do it for their family. But in doing that, the spark dies. Never, ever make that compromise. Love yourself first, and then others.

There you go. I've told you the four thunderstorms - disappointment, frustration, unfairness and isolation. You cannot avoid them, as like the monsoon they will come into your life at regular intervals. You just need to keep the raincoat handy to not let the spark die.

I welcome you again to the most wonderful years of your life. If someone gave me the choice to go back in time, I will surely choose college. But I also hope that ten years later as well, your eyes will shine the same way as they do today. That you will Keep the Spark alive, not only through college, but through the next 2,500 weekends. And I hope not just you, but my whole country will keep that spark alive, as we really need it now more than any moment in history. And there is something cool about saying - I come from the land of a billion sparks.

Thank You.