Overcoming your fears

First I had a bad feeling or unwillingness to go and meet these traders in a country where intellectual property is not respected. I felt concerned for my own safety because my visit entailed threatening these traders with legal action for selling copy product. Also, the fact that a European would accompany me to one of these less than reputable market areas to conduct discussions made me more nervous.

Visualization helped me here. I saw my colleague and I going there and being beaten up with our car stoned before we made a hurried escape. But banishing the negative thought from my mind, I pondered deeply. What if I were to face my fears – after all courage is not the absence of fear. It is the act of walking through your fears and doing what you are supposed to do. Call it trial by fire. Now I felt a bit more relaxed.

It struck me that it would be better to convey a toned down message rather than an aggressive one. At least the experience of talking to them would be an informative process – collect market intelligence, tell them about our patents and actions we take in the market. We were meeting them not to threaten them but to make them aware that our patents do exist and we have initiated action against one of the major brands in the market. I feel more confident about handling the situation and look forward to the visit.

My Truth or Your Truth?

We all know the importance of good and effective communication. Something happened yesterday evening that brought out this aspect beautifully.

I was playing with my daughter in my garden. After a round of playing tag, Frisbee and football, it was time to cool off. The daughter being extremely fond of flowers started plucking a few. In the process, she had plucked out a few buds in addition to blossomed ones. I asked her to leave the buds alone since they would blossom into flowers. She was alright picking up the flowers instead.

From where I was standing I could see some flowers ready to be plucked. Whereas her location made it difficult for her to see the flowers I was seeing. She was finding it difficult to locate a few flowers to pluck – she could only see buds. She did spot a few flowers eventually but still not the ones that I saw and believed to be more accessible. It is at that moment my wife said “Your truth is different to her truth”. There it dawned upon me. I was working myself up on such a small thing but it had such a wider implication. If only we could develop our capacity to see things from others point of view, we would be so much more understanding. It would help us have stronger and positive relationships with friends, family and co-workers.

Lessons:

You may be seeing the same thing from a different viewpoint. Successful communicators seek to understand differing view points after all your truth is different from their truth.

Greater understanding will help you empathize with the other party and enable you to gain his trust and confidence. First step to have a successful relationship be it work or personal.

My Problem or Yours?

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response.

So he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

;

;

"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Lesson:
The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us..!

Keeping the Spark Alive - By Chetan Bhagat

Inaugural Speech for the new batch at the Symbiosis BBA program, Pune - 23rd June, 2008

Good Morning everyone and thank you for giving me this chance to speak to you. This day is about you. You, who have come to this college, leaving the comfort of your homes (or in some cases discomfort), to become something in your life. I am sure you are excited. There are few days in human life when one is truly elated. The first day in college is one of them. When you were getting ready today, you felt a tingling in your stomach. What would the auditorium be like, what would the teachers be like, who are my new classmates - there is so much to be curious about. I call this excitement, the spark within you that makes you feel truly alive today. Today I am going to talk about keeping the spark shining. Or to put it another way, how to be happy most, if not all the time.

Where do these sparks start? I think we are born with them. My 3-year old twin boys have a million sparks. A little Spiderman toy can make them jump on the bed. They get thrills from creaky swings in the park. A story from daddy gets them excited. They do a daily countdown for birthday party – several months in advance – just for the day they will cut their own birthday cake.

I see students like you, and I still see some sparks. But when I see older people, the spark is difficult to find. That means as we age, the spark fades. People whose spark has faded too much are dull, dejected, aimless and bitter. Remember Kareena in the first half of Jab We Met vs the second half? That is what happens when the spark is lost. So how to save the spark?

Imagine the spark to be a lamp's flame. The first aspect is nurturing - to give your spark the fuel, continuously. The second is to guard against storms.

To nurture, always have goals. It is human nature to strive, improve and achieve full potential. In fact, that is success. It is what is possible for you. It isn't any external measure - a certain cost to company pay package, a particular car or house.

Most of us are from middle class families. To us, having material landmarks is success and rightly so. When you have grown up where money constraints force everyday choices, financial freedom is a big achievement. But it isn't the purpose of life. If that was the case, Mr. Ambani would not show up for work. Shah Rukh Khan would stay at home and not dance anymore. Steve Jobs won't be working hard to make a better iPhone, as he sold Pixar for billions of dollars already. Why do they do it? What makes them come to work everyday? They do it because it makes them happy. They do it because it makes them feel alive. Just getting better from current levels feels good. If you study hard, you can improve your rank. If you make an effort to interact with people, you will do better in interviews. If you practice, your cricket will get better. You may also know that you cannot become Tendulkar, yet. But you can get to the next level. Striving for that next level is important.

Nature designed with a random set of genes and circumstances in which we were born. To be happy, we have to accept it and make the most of nature's design. Are you? Goals will help you do that. I must add, don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.

There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

You must have read some quotes - Life is a tough race, it is a marathon or whatever. No, from what I have seen so far, life is one of those races in nursery school, where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One last thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. One of my yoga teachers used to make students laugh during classes. One student asked him if these jokes would take away something from the yoga practice. The teacher said - don't be serious, be sincere. This quote has defined my work ever since. Whether its my writing, my job, my relationships or any of my goals. I get thousands of opinions on my writing everyday. There is heaps of praise, there is intense criticism. If I take it all seriously, how will I write? Or rather, how will I live? Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It's ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are people, not programmed devices.

I've told you three things - reasonable goals, balance and not taking it too seriously that will nurture the spark. However, there are four storms in life that will threaten to completely put out the flame. These must be guarded against. These are disappointment, frustration, unfairness and loneliness of purpose.

Disappointment will come when your effort does not give you the expected return. If things don't go as planned or if you face failure. Failure is extremely difficult to handle, but those that do come out stronger. What did this failure teach me? is the question you will need to ask. You will feel miserable. You will want to quit, like I wanted to when nine publishers rejected my first book. Some IITians kill themselves over low grades – how silly is that? But that is how much failure can hurt you. But it's life. If challenges could always be overcome, they would cease to be a challenge. And remember - if you are failing at something, that means you are at your limit or potential. And that's where you want to be.

Disappointment's cousin is frustration, the second storm. Have you ever been frustrated? It happens when things are stuck. This is especially relevant in India. From traffic jams to getting that job you deserve, sometimes things take so long that you don't know if you chose the right goal. After books, I set the goal of writing for Bollywood, as I thought they needed writers. I am called extremely lucky, but it took me five years to get close to a release. Frustration saps excitement, and turns your initial energy into something negative, making you a bitter person. How did I deal with it? A realistic assessment of the time involved – movies take a long time to make even though they are watched quickly, seeking a certain enjoyment in the process rather than the end result – at least I was learning how to write scripts, having a side plan – I had my third book to write and even something as simple as pleasurable distractions in your life - friends, food, travel can help you overcome it. Remember, nothing is to be taken seriously. Frustration is a sign somewhere, you took it too seriously.

Unfairness - this is hardest to deal with, but unfortunately that is how our country works. People with connections, rich dads, beautiful faces, pedigree find it easier to make it – not just in Bollywood, but everywhere. And sometimes it is just plain luck. There are so few opportunities in India, so many stars need to be aligned for you to make it happen. Merit and hard work is not always linked to achievement in the short term, but the long term correlation is high, and ultimately things do work out. But realize, there will be some people luckier than you. In fact, to have an opportunity to go to college and understand this speech in English means you are pretty damm lucky by Indian standards. Let's be grateful for what we have and get the strength to accept what we don't. I have so much love from my readers that other writers cannot even imagine it. However, I don't get literary praise. It's ok. I don't look like Aishwarya Rai, but I have two boys who I think are more beautiful than her. It's ok. Don't let unfairness kill your spark.

Finally, the last point that can kill your spark is isolation. As you grow older you will realize you are unique. When you are little, all kids want Ice cream and Spiderman. As you grow older to college, you still are a lot like your friends. But ten years later and you realize you are unique. What you want, what you believe in, what makes you feel, may be different from even the people closest to you. This can create conflict as your goals may not match with others. . And you may drop some of them. Basketball captains in college invariably stop playing basketball by the time they have their second child. They give up something that meant so much to them. They do it for their family. But in doing that, the spark dies. Never, ever make that compromise. Love yourself first, and then others.

There you go. I've told you the four thunderstorms - disappointment, frustration, unfairness and isolation. You cannot avoid them, as like the monsoon they will come into your life at regular intervals. You just need to keep the raincoat handy to not let the spark die.

I welcome you again to the most wonderful years of your life. If someone gave me the choice to go back in time, I will surely choose college. But I also hope that ten years later as well, your eyes will shine the same way as they do today. That you will Keep the Spark alive, not only through college, but through the next 2,500 weekends. And I hope not just you, but my whole country will keep that spark alive, as we really need it now more than any moment in history. And there is something cool about saying - I come from the land of a billion sparks.

Thank You.

Planning for Change

1. State your future aims and objectives
2. Understand what is the current situation
3. Evaluate the alternatives available to making the change or reaching the goal
4. Put the actions into place

Time - a precious commodity

TIME – Do not waste it. It’s a precious commodity. We cannot manage time. Rather we should manage ourselves to utilize time most efficiently.

Focus on the important versus the urgent. Urgent needs to be done NOW while important needs to be done so that it doesn’t become urgent at a later date.

E.g. URGENT - you need to get your child ready now else she will be late for school.

E.g. IMPORTANT – you need to get your child trained to get ready on time so that it doesn’t become a crisis every morning to get her ready.

LEARN TO DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN WHAT IS IMPORTANT AND WHAT IS URGENT!

Bear Sterns sell off - JP Morgan savior or plunderer?

There is an excellent article on the web exploring the issue. It appears that there is more than meets the eye. Its a must read for the conspiracy theorists and for fans of financial skullduggery. I am inclined to believe the author of the article in her analysis. To read more...

http://www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=8974

Yahoo! the sell off story to Microsoft

an interesting look inside boardroom politics - steve ballmer and carl icahn. icahn wants good value for his investment and is encouraging shareholders of yahoo! to vote out the existing board - precedent exists in the recent Bear Sterns sell off where the British billionaire lost £800mn of his investment and wanted his money back.

the issues are nothing to do with long term goals and profitability of Yahoo! and how it can benefit the world or its shareholders - it has all to do with the greed of the single largest shareholder - sometimes it makes me wonder whether being a publicly owned company is such a good idea after all?

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari - courtesy of Robin Sharma

The 7 commandments:


1. Garden => Mind - keep it fertile

2. Lighthouse => Goals - Purpose of Life is to have a Life of Purpose

3. Sumo => Kaizen - continuous self improvement

4. Thin wire => Willpower & Discipline

5. Clock => Time -> Respect your time & deathbed mentality

6. Yellow roses => Serve others

7. Diamonds => Live in the NOW - don't give up your present for something in the future. Goals are good - they keep you on track. Have sub-goals too but don't forget your family and start chasing a high flying career to regret it later on

China and the 3rd World conundrum - race for resources

look at how Zimbabwe escapes sanctions - Chinese vested interests in Africa's natural resources and Russia's way of hitting back at the West for meddling in Russia - but there is a more covert reason which is not so apparent as to why the Russians are so interested in Russia - may be natural resources again!



one wonders whether there is any good in this world after all - when a few powerful countries and financial institutions control flow of natural resources, commodities and money - oil price inflation, commodity speculation, sub-prime mortgage disaster, etc. can be squarely blamed upon banks and greedy financiers!



let me know what you think or feel...

Assertiveness - my personal experience

Over the last couple of years I had developed a poor relationship with one of my colleagues at work. He is razor tongued and quick witted while the same cannot be said of me. I describe myself as sensitive warm and caring. However, I have a short temper which flares at the slightest hint of unfairness – call me an idealist! A few years ago I had taken my anger out on this colleague who was partly to blame for a situation in an international airport. Ever since our working relationship has been appalling. He has missed no opportunity to pick on me with snide remarks and comments bordering dangerously on the racial. I took it all in my stride and laughed it off like water off a duck’s back.

But of late I realized that I was being passive. If I were assertive I would not have allowed this to continue: it was really putting me off and had caused me to rethink about the way I came across and the work that I was doing. Last month I took the bull by its horns and requested that I speak to him in private. Boy was I proven right by my decision. The 10 minute chat turned into a 90minute long conversation wherein I put across my views as to why I didn’t like what he was doing. I sought to understand what was the reason behind his behavior. It’s a golden principle of communication: First seek to understand than to be understood. I am glad that I took this approach. It transpired that he was taking out his frustration of being overloaded at work and I was a soft target for his ire. He offered to cut back on the vitriolic nature of his comments but added that I could not expect him to reduce it to nil. After all, he seems to treat everyone the same – leg pulling, taking the mickey, etc.

Anyway with that off my chest, I feel much better now. I asserted my feelings and my rights to better treatment. I would urge everyone to be more assertive and face your fears. It took me a while to muster courage to call for the meeting but I did it. It has been a positive experience for me and has boosted my confidence quite high. I am confident of handling similar situations involving tough negotiations and situations positively.